i'm not too good at car metaphors

dear ryan leslie,

i want to love your debut. i really do. i've lost count of how many times your album's been played, in its entirety, in my car, in the hopes that after that magical number has been reached, something will click. i imagine that moment to be a little like a car engine finally turning over, after your wrist is near numb from fatigue.

but there's also that other moment, when you realize you're going to need to save at least enough energy to be able to stick out your thumb and hitch-hike to work, because this piece ain't goin anywhere, no matter how many times you give it a lil gas, just for old times sake.

ryan, you're a great producer, but this whole vocal thing i just can't dig. it could be your cliche lyrics. it could be the occasional tepid rapping. it could be that you're just not that good of a singer, and you don't really know how to compensate for it. it could be that i just can't stand fabolous anymore, and grind my teeth to point of cracking them when i hear his voice.

this would be a great album r-les, nearing fantastic, if you just let someone else sing over it. way to go pal, you really know how to hook up a hellafreshsmoothasssilkybeat. and you have good melodic instincts. but you need to know to quit while you're ahead. before you pick the pen, pick up your phone. call up kanye, his blog hearts you. call up rick ross, the second half of his latest could have used some of your proper summer synths. call up the goddamn teriyaki boyz for all i care. anyone but you. and f-a-b-o. and chris cornell.

i hope we can still be friends. after all, real recognize real. and yeah, i'll probably still keep listening to your album anyways. that's what kind of a guy i am.

your friend, constructively,

hear mars

p.s. gibberish is pretty dope the way it is, even if, as elise correctly noted, the horn melody steals a page straight from spottieottiedopaliscious. i even enjoyed the video of you making it.